She Never Stopped Loving Him
by UA
Summary: She never told him how long she'd loved him.


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**She Never Stopped Loving Him**

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_She used to sit and stare and dream that he was there _

_But she quit that_

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In the beginning, the pain was too fresh. Too new. Her heart wouldn't accept that he was gone. She'd sit before the crackling fire and all she'd see was his face. His beautiful brown eyes. Hear his laughter echoing down the hall as he chased Alex and the girls to their bedroom where they'd scramble into bed with her and settle in for a bedtime story. It was so real. But lately, that wonderful image was fading more and more.

The kids still crawled into bed with her. They still listened raptly as she wove them fairy tales that thrilled them. But one important person was missing. The house was different. It wasn't the same. She finally stopped asking, screaming "Why?" in her mind. She'd drive herself crazy if she didn't let go of the dream that he'd come back, and they'd all be snuggled together in this big, empty bed again. She had the children to think of. To live for. She wasn't much good to them living in a dream world.

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_She made up her mind that someday she'd be fine _

_And she meant that_

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It hurt so much. His leaving. But she had lived her life before crashing into his life, and she was determined not to lose herself with his leaving. It was the hardest thing she'd ever done. Moving on. Willing the tears to stop. But she did it for the children. Alex, who looked so much like his father it broke her heart over and over again each day. Gabriela and Serena.

She did it for them, she reminded herself as such simple things as brushing their long golden curls nearly brought her to tears. He'd loved those blond curls. Said they were beautiful. Just like their mother's. Said it in such a voice filled with love, her tears threatened to spill over every time she picked up a brush.

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_And she stopped drivin' by their old place _

_Now it's not that she don't know the way_

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She couldn't bear staying there. Their home. Where they'd created so many wonderful memories. She remembered the day he made detective. He was so proud. And so was she. They'd only been married a month. Close to two. They'd celebrated all night. Made love until the break of dawn.

They made Alex that night almost six years ago.

And Serena and Gabriela two years later, she thought as her throat clogged with tears. L.J. was the last baby she'd make with him in that house. The last baby she'd make with anyone. The memories were too painful without him there to share them. Too haunting.

She lived with Mama now. They took care of the kids together. She stopped driving past their old home. It hurt too much to see the new family.

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_She just stopped, cause she had all she could take _

_But she never stopped loving him_

_There's a place deep in her soul, a place she'd always hold Only for him_

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He'd been gone a while now. The hurt was slowly fading. She feared the ache never would. Mama urged her to move on with her life. Find someone new.

Maybe not yet. But eventually. That's what he would have wanted, she assured her. She knows she has the best intentions, but really she doesn't believe there to be anyone else out there for her. No one else but him. He was her soulmate. Mama of all people should understand that. Her heart would never belong to another.

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_S__till, she gets down on her knees, pray that she won't be Lonely for him_

_And she stopped wakin' up every night _

_Three o'clock wanting him by her side_

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She prays everyday for the strength and the courage to mend her ailing heart. The loneliness is the worst. He was her best friend. The one person she was closest to in the entire world. Only with God's help could she hope to find some small semblance of peace. Some hope that her heart would heal.

That she'd feel whole again without feeling his arms wrapped tightly around her. The bed was so empty. She missed him so much. But she rarely woke up in the middle of the night reaching, searching for his strong, loving, comforting arms anymore. The cold place where his warm body should be wasn't a constant source of tears anymore. For that small blessing, she was thankful.

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_Yeah, she stopped, but no matter how hard she tried _

_She never stopped lovin' him_

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She never told him how long she'd loved him. The real moment she'd fallen in love with him. He would laugh if he knew. And she knew he'd blush in embarrassment. The way she always did. She never got the chance to tell him the full breadth, full extent of her love for him before he left her and the children. She hoped he knew.

She never got to tell him he was right. The baby she carried was another boy. Another fine son he'd wished for but hadn't dared lay voice to his desire.

There were so many things she still wanted to share as they cuddled together just enjoying each other. So many things she never got to say.

* * *

_The leaves are off the trees _

_And the snow is awfully deep for December _

_She walks right up to him, she can't quite find the words _

_But they're in there _

_So she stops and says "Since you've been gone _

_I have thought about how life must go on"_

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She pulls her coat tighter around her as she walks through the deep snow to get to him. It's awfully cold. Colder than she remembered it being for some years. But then, a lot of things are different without him by her side. Her throat closes tight with emotion as she struggles to find the words. They're there, she knows.

Clearing her throat, she begins, wiping carelessly at the tears that stream down her cheeks as she talks. "Luis," she chokes, "it's nearly Christmas. You should see the kids. They're so excited. Oh, they still miss you. They'll probably always miss you. Just like me. And L.J. I tell him stories about his daddy everyday. How much you loved him. How much you looked forward to meeting him. How you're watching over him. He's so little, Luis, but I swear he smiles every time I mention your name. He knows his daddy," she said smiling through her tears.

"We all miss you, Luis. They finally caught the guy that shot you. Funny. When I looked into his scared green eyes, I didn't feel the hatred I expected. I felt sorry for the man. He had no one to love him. Me and the kids, we have Mama, Theresa, Miguel, all our friends. Most importantly, we have you. And I know we'll see you again. I'll always love you, Luis," she said as she kissed her fingertips and touched his stone. "Always."

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_Then she stopped and placed a rose on his stone _

_Then left him alone _

_But she never stopped lovin' him_

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**The End**

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The song lyrics used in the story are from a Patty Loveless song of the same name; I own nothing but the CD. The characters of Passions, likewise, don't belong to me; only the kids.

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**Hope you enjoy this old (song) fic of mine that somehow never made it over here. **

**Feedback is loved and adored. **

**Thanks so much for reading!**


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